Doughnuts And Marshmallows: What Your Ability To Resist Sweets Says About Your Future

I love doughnuts. The best are the regular glazed Krispy Kreme doughnuts, still warm from the oven. I live less than a mile from a Krispy Kreme location that turns on a neon “Hot” sign when new doughnuts are ready. I have eaten ten Krispy Kreme doughnuts before in one sitting. Post donut-gorging shame usually takes between a few minutes to two hours to set in, but it always comes. If 2pm Aaron could confront 10am Krispy Kreme-eating Aaron, it would be a violent confrontation.

Why does present day Aaron insist on screwing over future Aaron? Friday night tequila-drinking Aaron is totally inconsiderate of Saturday morning Aaron. Shopping spree Aaron does not have credit card bill paying Aaron’s best interests at heart. It’s crazy – we are the same person, but I consistently take actions that hurt my future self. It’s living for the moment gone wrong. I skip workouts, spend money instead of save it, eat food that makes my health worse, and procrastinate. My god, the procrastination. Any of this sound familiar?

What I’ve realized is that to be happy over the long run, I have to start giving future Aaron a vote in present Aaron’s decisions. Eating ten Krispy Kreme doughnuts tends to make me very happy in the present, but less happy in two hours. Over years, taking only the present me into account will make the future me fat and sugar-addicted. But if I consider both present and future consequences, I’ll turn down Krispy Kreme doughnuts more often than I eat them, and I’ll be in better health.

Decades ago, an experiment was performed at Stanford University that illustrated the importance of keeping the future self in mind. Preschoolers were given a marshmallow and told that if they could keep from eating it for 15 minutes, they would get a second marshmallow. In effect, if the present kid can control herself from eating the marshmallow, the future kid benefits (in her mind, not health-wise, of course). One-third of the children were able to last the 15 minutes and earn their second marshmallow. In follow up studies done years later, the kids who showed self-control were described as “more competent” by their parents, and had higher SAT scores. Forget for a moment what eating a bunch of marshmallows does to the kids’ bodies – the point of this test was to show that people who have the ability to delay gratification end up being more competent generally in life. This same test has been performed in various ways since the marshmallow experiment, and the conclusion is always the same: people who make choices with their future selves in mind have more successful lives.

Life is one marshmallow experiment after another. You are constantly presented with situations that have first, second, and third order consequences. How you perform depends on which consequences you value.

Successful people make their decisions based on a combination of first, second, and third order consequences. Exercising today has the first order consequence of the pain that comes with exercise, which by itself is undesirable. The second order consequence of exercise is that you will feel pretty good later that day. Third order consequences include a better looking body, more confidence and a longer, more healthful life. When you take first, second and third order consequences into account, you’ll probably decide that the pain you feel now is outweighed by the benefits that come later.

Unsuccessful people act on first order consequences only, with disastrous results. They eat unhealthy food because it tastes good now, regardless of what it will do to their body later. They don’t study in school because their present self would rather do something else. They over-indulge in drugs and alcohol because they feel good today. They don’t save money because it’s more fun to spend today. By the time they realize how much they hate their present life, it’s too late. Their past selves have screwed them over.

Are you satisfied with your life right now? If not, your past self may be to blame. It’s too late to change the decisions you made yesterday, but recognize that how you feel tomorrow will largely depend on the decisions you make today. Future you will be present you very soon. If you make your decisions with future you in mind, you’re much more likely to be happy when tomorrow becomes today. Got it?

Put more simply: next time you are making a decision, however small, try to notice whether you’re taking into account only the first order consequences, or if you’re considering all the consequences down the line. Ask yourself things like “Will my future self be happy that I went on this run after it is over?” “Will my future self be glad if I just get this project done rather than procrastinate another hour?” “Will my future self regret stopping at Krispy Kreme just because the hot sign is on?”

Delaying gratification may feel like punishment to the present you, but it’s a gain to the future you. Present you is just this moment, future you is forever. I’m not suggesting that you give up your present happiness, just that you balance it with your happiness tomorrow and the day after. Eat one doughnut and turn down the second. Trust me: you’ll thank yourself for it later.

Are You a Bunny in a Bunny Suit? (Director’s Cut)

Simone White’s hit song, “Bunny in a Bunny Suit”, examines how society mocks an individual’s differences, but applauds those same differences once that individual becomes popular and accepted.

This happens in all facets of life. The guy who is teased for not hanging out and working weekends is later praised for his hard work after moving up the corporate ladder. The woman negatively labeled for being hysterical and nagging is awarded for being tough after getting promoted. Society unfairly labels single guys who seem quiet and withdrawn. Those same guys are praised for being patient and attentive boyfriends once they’re in a relationship.

We all ridicule and later honor a person for having the exact same traits. Therefore, many people feel forced to hide behind themselves until they gain acceptance from their peers and superiors. Some people have never dealt with this inner conflict and have no idea what I’m writing about. I can’t explain it through song, but I can show how we create this paradox or “smoking mirror” by using film as a metaphor.

Act Natural (buying the Bunny Suit)

You will hear many directors, actors, and producers talk about acting natural. The problem is that it is impossible to act natural. Acting is the art of pretending while being “Natural” defines reality or not pretending. Any child can understand this concept, yet we accept the idea that we can act natural. You have a big interview coming up? Just act natural. You’re going out on a big date? Just act natural. It’s truthfully natural to be nervous for a big interview. It’s also very natural to be scared on a big date. Unfortunately, we avoid these unpleasant consequences by accepting the act of lying instead of the natural truth.

Frames Per Second (stepping into the Bunny Suit)

We call movies motion pictures, but there is no real motion. Video cameras capture numerous still images per second. These images (or frames) are run together so quickly that the human eye can’t detect the end of one frame from the start of another. The frames move so rapidly that they give off the impression of motion. Unfortunately, our lives can operate in this same manner. We’ve all been stuck in a rut or bind, but made it look like we’re moving to the outside world. Some people buy nice cars and clothes, but they have no assets or savings. Other people have nice houses, but they are strangled by huge debt. Both groups give the impression of being progressive and moving forward, but they are actually stuck in one place.

The Editing Process (going out in the Bunny Suit)

The editing rule of thumb states that it takes about an hour of footage to get one minute of usable film. This can vary, but it usually holds true. 90% of what a videographer films is not usable. The footage can be plagued with bad lighting, mistakes, miscues, random noises, shadows, or technical difficulties. Even good footage will be cut if it doesn’t fit into the film’s theme or plot. We can all relate to this situation. Social media sites like Facebook and Twitter are prime examples. No one cares what you do every second of the day. Therefore, we only capture the highlights of our days and weeks. We take pictures of the most memorable moments and re-tweet the most interesting sayings. Real life is exciting and boring, but we aren’t concerned with real life. We only want the good parts that fit into our perfect movie. So, we highlight the best minute or ten percent while leaving 90% of our lives on the cutting room floor.

The END

Now you’re a fully dressed bunny going out in your Bunny Suit. You are comfortable with acting natural, you give off the impression of moving toward success, and you only highlight the best parts of your life. The irony is that we do these things to avoid reality, but we watch reality television, we hate politicians who lie, and we love the phrase “keep it real” and “real talk.”

Real life is aggressive, inappropriate, improper, fallacious, and full of obstacles. We consciously hide from real life, but celebrate those who lead successful lives. Please note that I’m not making a judgment or being self-righteous. I’m hopping right back into my bunny suit after posting this blog piece. You can call me hypocritical, but life is too dangerous with a world of Elmer Fudds eager to hunt you down at every turn. My only hope is to shed light on the subject so all of us can shed our bunny suits together.

Or, we can face the worst-case scenario. This is a world where the real bunny meshes into the bunny suit and the two become permanently attached as one. There would be no distinction between make-believe and reality. Life would be nothing but a listless existence of confusion and resentment. I could definitely make a film about that, but this bunny isn’t willing to go down that rabbit hole.

Why Living Each Day Like It’s Your Last Is Utter Nonsense

In 1977, two 747 passenger planes collided on a runway in the Canary Islands. One plane was attempting to take off in the fog, while a second plane was taxiing along the same runway.  The passengers in the first plane were all killed instantly – incinerated as the plane bounced off the second plane and exploded down the runway.  The roof of the second plane was ripped off in the collision, but most of the passengers were alive after the impact.  Body parts were strewn about, eardrums were burst, and the plane was on fire, but the majority of the cabin was relatively spared.

What would you do if you were in the second plane?  You probably think you’d unbuckle your seatbelt, jump to your feet and get out of the plane as quickly as possible. In fact, several people did exactly that.  But several dozen others – the majority of passengers still alive at the time – stayed in their seats.  As the other passengers ran past them out of the flaming wreckage, they made no effort to escape, seemingly unable to process what was happening to them. They failed to realize that sitting still would mean they’d be dead in a fuel tank explosion just moments later.

This is why living each day like it’s your last is stupid.  With everything on the line, we don’t always make the wisest choices.  We would like to think that if we were facing death, having our entire existence on the line, that we’d do the right thing.  The fact is you have no idea how you will react when you are facing death.  Studies have shown that people who are facing death act in ways completely different than how you would expect. We would all like to think that we’d have the common sense to get up and escape danger if we were in the second plane, but in the heat of the situation, the majority of us don’t. People don’t know how they’d respond if they had one minute left to live, much less 24 hours. It doesn’t make any sense to say you’re living like it’s your last day on earth when you have no clue what you’d actually do.

Usually when I hear someone say they’re living today like it’s their last, it’s because they’re about to do something irresponsible.  When was the last time you heard someone shout “Carpe diem!” and then call their family to tell them they love them?  No, when someone says “seize the day,” it’s more likely right before they order a piece of cheesecake they shouldn’t have, put something expensive on a credit card, or knock back that one shot of tequila too many.  We’re not acting like there’s no life tomorrow, we’re acting like there’s no consequences for our actions today.

Think about it. If you really knew today was your last, the way you would behave is unlikely to be how you should act on a day-to-day basis.  For example, if it’s my last day on earth, I’m definitely not going to work.  Should I live like that every day?  What happens when it turns out not to be my last day and I can’t pay my rent?

If it’s your last day on earth, you’re not going to write the first page of the novel you’ve always wanted to write.  You’re not going to apply to go back to school.  You’re not going to begin the cross-country trip you’ve always dreamed of, or a new sport or hobby, or learn to play the guitar. You don’t start a life-changing project when you have only one day to live. Living like today is your last is a cop-out. It’s what you do when you don’t want to deal with the daily work it takes to make your dreams come true.  If you’re just seizing one day, you’re giving up on accomplish anything that takes more than a day to finish.

What if accomplished people actually lived every day like it was their last?  Steve Jobs might have played on his computer, but he wouldn’t have created Apple. Bob Dylan might have played his guitar, but he wouldn’t have put in the work to become one of the most prolific artists of his time. Martin Luther King, Jr. might have given a speech, but he wouldn’t have changed civil rights forever.

People say you should live for today because it sounds good – it sounds like making the most of your present moment by enjoying life now.  These are the same people who are spreading the myth of following your passion.  They’re spoiled.  They want everything, and they want it now.  They think we shouldn’t have to ever spend a moment doing anything we don’t love.

I’d love it if that were true.  But creating the life of your dreams requires doing tons of hard work – painful tasks that you will never feel like doing regardless how many days you have left.  Give up the belief that you can reach your dream life by doing only things you enjoy.  If that were true, a lot more of us would be living in that utopia.  Suck it up.  Being awesome takes work.

Instead of living each day like it was your last, how about living each day like the day you got off your butt and changed your life for the better?  A better phrase to adopt: “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”  Living today like it’s your last won’t do anything for your life tomorrow.  Instead, today can be the day you quit a terrible habit. Today you can begin the hard work to change to a better career.  Today you can make the decision to lose those 15 pounds you’ve been meaning to lose once and for all.  These things that make your life better require looking forward, even if it means committing to do something painful today.  Don’t live like your life could end tomorrow.  Live like your life is just starting today.

Make The GMAT Your B@tch… (our test prep method)

Make the GMAT your b@tch

AKA

How to ace any standardized test

AKA

The Thomas-Turner approach

Warning: This is a loooong detailed post.

Aaron’s note: Here’s how this works.  Most people take between 0 and 1 test when preparing for the GMAT/LSAT.  If you take between 2-5, you may do a few points better than these people.  Once you take 6-10 tests, you will start to see the same kinds of questions over and over again.  Both your confidence and your proficiency at those types of questions will see a breakthrough at that point.  Once you take 15 tests or more, you develop an inner sense of timing that lets you know if you’re spending too much or too little time on each problem.  I would argue that the comfort level you gain with timing on these types of tests is almost as important as learning the subject matter of the tests. 

Here’s why this works – almost nobody else is willing to do this.  Like anything else in life, success lies just a few steps beyond where most people will quit.  When you think about it, however, it doesn’t make a lot of sense why people won’t commit to putting in serious time and effort to preparing for the GMAT/LSAT.  Many schools put as much weight on your standardized test score as they will on your college grades.  How you perform over a four hour period counts for as much as how you performed over four years.  People will work all year long for four years to graduate from college, but balk at putting 100 hours of preparation into a test that counts just as much.  You can use this fact to your advantage.  If you are willing to put in serious amounts of work, you will do better than everyone with your ability that isn’t willing to take more than a practice test or two.  Put another way: you are going to get lapped by the people like me who are willing to buckle down and study for this test.  You may be naturally smarter, but you’re going to get crushed by people like me who will work harder.

Part 1: the GMAT

Full disclosure: On December 22nd 2011, I took the GMAT. My score was a 720 (49q 40v) out of a possible 800. This places me in the 94th percentile of all GMAT test takers and as a black male, makes me very competitive for admissions and scholarships to the nations top business schools. When I started prep for the GMAT in May my practice test score was 560. What follows is my simple system for mastering this test. I can not claim credit for this, as I was pushed and helped by my fellow mastermind compadre and LSAT conqueror (176 out of 180) Aaron Thomas .

What follows is our method for cracking the test. It may work for you. It may not. But it worked for me.

There are 5 steps:

1. Collect as many full practice tests as possible.

2. Take 3-4 full practice test every week.

3. Track and correct the problems you got wrong.

4. Study the sections where you are weak.

5. Take the test when you’re at your best.

1. Collect as many full practice tests as possible. 

Our system is built on one tenet: these tests are LONG. The GMAT is 3.5 hours of intense problem solving and focus. You know what else takes 3.5 hours to complete? A marathon. So we treat testing like grueling athletic events and we train our brains to handle this amount of work. Most people who take the GMAT take the 2 free exams that you receive when you sign up. Those who do well take a few more.Those who do great take many more. I broke the 700 score mark and I took 26 full length practice exams. Here is a list of where you can find these tests, and the merits of each.

2 tests: MBA.com

When you sign up for the GMAT you get 2 free practice tests. Take one to start your prep and one at the end before you take the GMAT.

Cost: free

5 tests: 800 score.

Test are not truly adaptive and the scoring is weird. But they are cheap.

Cost:24.95

5 tests: manhattan GMAT CAT tests. 

By far the most realistic GMAT questions (even more so than the free test provided by GMAC). I wish they made 20 of these.

Cost: 40.00 ($8 each)

1 test: Princeton Review

Good test. Solid questions. Very similar to GMAT but it can freeze and be glitchy. Be warned.

Cost: like a drug dealer the first hit is free

4 tests: Princeton Review

You’ll need to purchase the Cracking the GMAT book first. After which you will have access to their 4 online tests.

Book

Tests

Cost: $13-$30 depending on how much you pay for the book.

7 test (6 CAT 1 in the book): Kaplan Review

Questions are basic. A good book if your goal is to break 600. Not strong enough to help push your score above 700. For many this will be a good place to start if you need to build confidence.

Cost: $20

6-10 tests: OFFICIAL GUIDE: create your own using the official guides

This requires some work and planning. Here’s how I did it.

Step 1. Create answer sheets. You can steal mine here.

Step 2. Use a random number generator to give you a list of questions for each section.

Step 3.  Do the questions in the order the random generator spits out.

Step 4. As you do a question make a mark in the book.

Step 5. If you get to a question with a mark go to the next random number.

Step 6. Use a timer. You get 75 minutes for math and 75 minutes for verbal.

I did EVERY question in all the official guide books with a clock. These questions are retired GMAT questions. They will be very similar to what you see on the actual GMAT.

Cost:$41.00

10 test: McGraw Hill GMAT

The tests are too easy. The online stuff is weak. And there are lots of errors.  I wish there was something positive I could say about this book. But there’s not.

Cost: overpriced $26.00

Whew.

2. Take 3-4 full practice test every week. 

3. Track and Correct the problems you got wrong. 

4. Study the sections where you are weak. 

There is no way around this. You are training for a marathon. You’re going to have to run everyday. Here is my schedule:

Monday/Wednesday: 75 minutes

Do a math section. Pause the test. I did this either before or after the work.

Tuesday/Thursday : 100 minutes

Do a verbal section. Review problems missed. Take notes on which types of problems you missed. Put everything in an error log. I used this one as my template and changed what I needed.

Friday: Deep review. Whatever concept I struggled with the most, such as sentence corrections. I would use a guide book ( manhattan review in this case) and work through all the problems in the guide book. I suggest you buy all 8 manhattan GMAT guidebooks. They are great.

Saturday: 4 hour block. Take a full GMAT and review errors.

Sunday: Rest or do another full GMAT and review.

Total time commitment per week: 8.5-12 hours. I would aim for at least 120 hours of prep before you take the real thing.

5. Take the test when you’re at your best. 

Unlike the SAT or LSAT you can schedule the GMAT for almost any day of the year. Pick a day and time that works best for you. For instance, I am a morning person and my job is stressful (I teach high school). So it was important for me to pick a test time in the morning and not on a school day. So I took the GMAT during our winter break at 8 am. While you’re studying for the GMAT randomize your practice test times. Find what time of day correlates with your highest score.

Also, try to schedule the test when you will have the least amount of stress. I took the GMAT in August and although my practice tests suggested I would break 700 my score was only a 650. I credit this to a ton of family stress. My mother was dying of stage 4 cancer and the night before the GMAT we checked her into hospice care. My stress levels were so high that I could not think clearly. When I retook it in December I was in a much better place and my brain was in better shape after having spent time really dealing with my mom’s illness and death.

Ok. That’s all I got for now. Feel free to pass this on to other folks. They can email me at Broderick.turner@gmail.com if they have questions.

What Color Is Your Milk?

Elementary school was playfully brutal in Charleston, South Carolina. I can still remember being teased for drinking the wrong color milk in first grade. The established rule was that white kids drank “white” milk and the black kids drank “chocolate” milk. The kids would tease you and say that you would literally change color (…meaning race) if you drank the wrong milk. Of course this was a game, but many kids bought into this reasoning. Most children either dealt with the teasing or just drank milk that they didn’t like. I dealt with the teasing.

Anyone who hears this story usually reacts with shock, laughter, and then disappointment (always in that exact order). They blame such foolishness on being silly kids raised in the South. I agreed with this assumption until I moved to New York to pursue a career in film. I would meet people at film networking events to discuss projects. Investors and film producers told me to make “urban” or “African American” films. They told me that the Hip Hop audience was very marketable and that I should take advantage of their buying power. I was even dubbed the next Spike Lee.

Everyone (…as in people of all races) was unfairly defining my artistic vision. They teased me for creating plots that were “unmarketable” or “unrealistic.” I was literally in elementary school all over again. They wanted me to make the type of movies – or drink the color milk – that they were more comfortable with. Most directors either deal with the teasing or just make movies that they don’t like. I dealt with the teasing…again.

It was sickening to think that grown and well respected adults could have the same mentality as little children. Maybe people just get older instead of maturing? Did I miss something?

Most people know that Spike Lee is one of my all-time favorite directors, but I don’t look at film as being “black” or “white.” Do the Right Thing is about black characters, but it is not a black movie. Schindler’s List is about Jewish characters, but it is not a Jewish movie. The Godfather is about Italian characters, but it is not an Italian movie. All three of these movies share a universal theme of characters overcoming racial, economic, or cultural barriers in order to better themselves, their families, and communities. I’m in no way comparing the struggles of racial and economic inequality to murder and mass genocide. However, the underlying themes of sacrifice, perseverance, and even family are present in all three films. The color of the movie shouldn’t matter.

Time taught me that movie producers and investors fear losing their money, so they stick with proven formulas. I found peace and solace when many of those film producers contacted me later to say, “We can’t fund your project, but we thought your ideas were actually brilliant.” It also made me feel better when I learned that many of my white friends love chocolate milk.

I began to see that people aren’t necessarily scared of change or being different. They are scared of being ridiculed for changing or becoming different. The movie producers wanted to work with me, but they feared what their colleagues would think. Both white and black kids wanted to drink different varieties of milk, but they feared what their friends would say. I realized that people are actually open to exploring other races, ideas, or groups of people. It’s the thought of being ridiculed by their own race or group that holds people back.

Society needs to see that our world has the ability to change and make progress by accepting new experiences. True growth comes from knowing how to categorize without judging. We just can’t scold and outcast people for wanting something different. Childish games that encourage labeling and judging often grow into adult politics that support prejudices and assumptions. Society didn’t learn everything it needed to know about the world in Kindergarten. Fortunately, I was able to learn everything that I needed to know in first grade.