You’re Good Enough, You’re Smart Enough, and Dog-gone it…

A friend recently asked me why I didn’t put together a step-by step logistical package of what I believe it takes to be successful. I had to stop and think for a while why it was that I couldn’t just give people a list of the 3 things they can do to make their life better this year. I had to pause for a minute, because it actually sounded like a decent blog post, but something about the idea didn’t sit right with me.

Finally, I figured out what I was trying to explain.

It’s not that people aren’t educated enough to be able to turn their life around. It’s not that they can’t figure out how to lose weight or start their own business on the side. If you’re reading this, it means you have access to an internet connection, which is really all you need to have both the information you need and the access to the people you need to be involved in your plan.

It’s not that people aren’t smart enough. It really only takes a reasonable amount of intelligence, a level that I can guarantee pretty much everyone reading this blog right now already possesses. As proof I offer this: everyone knows someone who has achieved more than they have, who wasn’t nearly as bright. There are even books called “The Idiot Millionaire” and “The Millionaire Moron” where the authors specifically talk about how they were able to achieve success despite the fact they weren’t the sharpest tools in the woodshed.

No, it’s not that people aren’t smart enough or aren’t educated enough, or don’t have access to the right resources. That’s like saying that if people just knew that cigarettes gave you lung cancer and a shortened life, they wouldn’t smoke. New legislation puts bigger and bigger warnings on the packages. You think anyone’s quitting after picking up a pack that reads “Smoking cigarettes may cause lung cancer”? Not likely.

So if it’s not lack of smarts or lack of the correct information why is it that people don’t do more with their lives? Why don’t people lose weight, eat better, take control of their careers, watch less TV, and generally be awesome? It’s that people don’t let their minds believe they can do it. It sounds hokey, like the “if you believe you can achieve” after school specials, but that really is what makes the difference between those that do great things and those that do not.

As I told my friend, it’s not that people don’t know how or why they should do things. It’s that they allow their own mental blocks to keep them from moving forward. It’s not that people can’t accomplish things if they try – it’s that they don’t try. It’s not that they can’t finish a project they set their mind to, it’s that they never start.

If you read the “Who Are We?” page, you know that we didn’t coin the phrase “Mastermind Group.” We stole the idea from people who lived and died long ago, and we’ve just referred to ourselves as a mastermind group for so long that I had to be reminded what was at the root of that term. Master. Mind. Mastering your mind is all we need to do. It’s not a “figure out the process” group or an “educate each other” group. It’s all about gaining mastery over the one thing that stands between us and the lives of our dreams: our minds.

You’re good enough, and you’re smart enough, and with a little work on your part, people will like you. The life of your dreams is all within your reach. If you want to change your life, you must change your mind.

Life’s Tough..What’s Your Excuse?

How many times during the course of the day do you get frustrated at work and allow challenges to derail your focus? How long ago was it that the negative vibes from your co-worker’s dissatisfaction with the world suddenly become your burden to bear?

Many times we like to speak of how we dream of being highly successful and that we’re equally as talented as those individuals getting all the accolades. Often times the key differentiators boil down to this…they’re talented and determined. What are you? When I say “you” I have to include myself in that very question. I’ve been that person that allowed those around me to easily draw me into their negative thoughts and energy.  Consistently allowing others to pull me away from my path is not only a weakness that I’ve had to address, but a lack of conviction to stay focused on my own goals and objectives.

Not only do we get exposed to the good and bad of those we spend the bulk of our lives with in terms of co-workers, but we often tend to let ourselves fall victim to life. What I mean by that is simply this…if life were easy and everything you wanted out of it came with very little effort would you even appreciate it? Would you even give it your all to accomplish the things you desire?

Being in sales I have had to alter my approach to my work duties and life in general. I have two options when I start each day and decide to face the challenges that lie ahead. I can either choose to win or lose…it really is that simple. I was reading an article about the Boston Celtics (No, I’m not a fan of the C’s) and recent injuries that struck a key player on the team and one of the assistant coaches said something profound that caught my attention immediately. He simply mentioned to a reporter, “…you have to win in spite of, not lose because of — does that make sense?”  So I ask you the same thing…does it make sense?  I’ve noticed over the course of my career that a lot of people claim to want success, but aren’t willing to truly put forth the effort out of a fear of failure.  Some people would rather not give their absolute best and fall short versus waging all they have at the risk of failure.  Being able to give excuses as to why we don’t attempt things always seems to be far more comforting than having to own up to a “failure.”  Instead of speaking out about the multiple challenges you are facing and how it will keep you from crossing the finish line, why not dedicate the same energy and effort to crafting a solution to get you to the desired end result, even if it might require more work than you initially planned?  I guarantee your boss and peers will look at you differently if you speak to solutions rather than harping on the problems.  True leaders find a way out of no way and the determination, not the talent, is what sees them through to victory.

As I mentioned earlier I’m in sales and have done extremely well the last six years by typically performing in the top 15% of the sales force.  Ironically a lot of the people who know me quite well could never see me as a salesman.  I’m not pushy, not money-motivated, nor eg0-driven, however, I am determined to be the best and not allow anyone or anything to stop me.

The next time you hit a rough spot in the day, albeit work related or in your personal life, think about the options at your disposal.  When you get knocked down will you get up for the possibility of it happening again or simply be content with lying on the ground and watching those around pass you by because they own their fears while yours call the shots?

How Exactly Is Will Smith So Successful?

Most people know Will Smith as the family friendly rapper from the late 80’s/early 90’s, who turned that into a career on the hit TV show Fresh Prince of Bel Air, who then started doing big blockbuster movies where he routinely punched on Aliens/Zombies. I’d always like Will Smith OK, but never really thought he was anything super-special. I mean, he wasn’t all that great of a rapper, honestly, especially compared with other really respected lyricists of the time like Tupac, Wu-Tang Clan, Tribe Called Quest. He did have that huge hit “Parents Just Don’t Understand,” though. And my sisters and I could recite every lyric from front to back while bouncing around my grimacing parents. Another fun fact: if you go to google and type in just the word “parents,” that 1988 song will still be in the top 10 auto-complete suggestions.

He then had the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, but it wasn’t like the dude was Denzel or anything. He never struck me as a particularly great actor, but the whole show was so campy, complete with at least one puzzled stare at the TV audience per episode, that I never really expected much. But then again, it was super popular, got a surprising amount of nominations, and is still airing in syndication despite going off the air 15 years ago. And, you guessed it: type in “fresh” on google, and this TV show will pop up in the suggestions.

Then Will Smith turned to the big screen. You are probably not surprised to hear that 14 of his 19 films have grossed over $100 million at the box office. That also is not likely to garner a huge amount of respect from discriminating movie-goers – he typically does huge blockbuster movies with tons of special effects – the type of movie that gets huge audiences, but not many Academy Awards (although you may be surprised that he has been nominated twice). I never really thought of him as a particularly skilled actor myself, until I saw a few movies like Ali, The Pursuit of Happyness, and Seven Pounds and was blown away.

So why am I even pointing all of this out? To convince you that you should be a Will Smith fan? No. The point is, he was never really that great of a rapper or dancer, by any critical standards, but he has a song that people remember the lyrics to today. He wasn’t a super comedian like Bill Cosby, but had a hit sitcom, which again, people can recite the opening lyrics to. He definitely didn’t start off as a superb actor, but an Oscar in Will Smith’s future would surprise no one, if it’s not already a foregone conclusion. Will Smith didn’t start off as anything ridiculously special in any category, but he has managed to put himself in a position to be ridiculously successful in three different categories. How? He chose to. He decided that if he had less talent, he would simply outwork everyone else. He stopped seeing roadblocks and started seeing possibilities. Regardless of what your preconceived notions of Will Smith may be, I implore you to watch this video – these few minutes will give you a hint as to what it is that takes someone with minimal talent and propels them to unfathomable success.

Changing Your Scenery Won’t Change Your Life

Wanna get away?  The iconic commercials from Southwest Airlines always depict someone going through an embarrassing or difficult situation at work, and then imply that taking a vacation somewhere else (using their airline, of course) is exactly what is needed. 

It’s commonly accepted that after going through a difficult challenge in your life that it’s good to get away from it all, to leave the uncomfortable situation, to change your scenery to handle the difficult challenge.  I want to challenge that assumption that under difficult circumstances, it’s good to get away. 

Take your job, for example.  I’ve watched friends skip from job to job, having the same complaints at each stop.  Yes, we have all been met with the insane boss from hell.  But when you have problems with the people you work with at job after job after job – you can no longer blame it on the co-workers or boss.  It’s you. 

The problem is, it’s hard to know when it’s you.  Your friends and family will almost always back you in a dispute between  you and your unknown-to-them co-worker or boss.  Your boss did what?  Sheila from accounting said What???  Your friends are unlikely to tell you that maybe you could change your attitude at work and get along better with your co-workers.  They’re your friends for a reason – they’re loyal to you.  So you continue to change jobs, having problems with people at each job, and never figure out that the common problem at each of these jobs is you. 

Societal norms make harsh truth a rarity.  Even when people are fired from jobs, things are said about how it’s “not a good fit” or “we’re looking to go in a different direction” to obfuscate the real reason for the firing.  We are so careful to protect each other’s feelings that people can go their entire lives without seeing their own faults.  Everyone is deluded into thinking that they’re OK just the way they are, when an early, truthful if hurtful, intervention could place one’s life on a much more successful path.  American Idol fills hours of shows with hilarious auditions each year based on the fact that hundreds of people will make it to at least age 16 without anyone having told them that they can’t actually sing.  But I digress.

If we can’t count on our friends, family, co-workers and bosses, how can we ever know when our misery really is our own fault?  How do we know that it’s us, not the world around us, that could use some changing?  Assume it’s your fault.  Even when it isn’t.  Even when your friends tell you it’s not your fault.  Even when you know with absolute certainty that it’s not your fault.  Just assume, for a moment, that regardless of how objectively dense your co-workers may be, that there was something you could have done differently to have avoided the difficult situation that makes you want to get away.  Before assuming that you need to change your location or job based on those around you, think about if you can change your current situation by changing something about yourself. 

Escape the cycle of self-delusion and blaming others.  Instead of constantly wondering why people at work annoy you so much at every job, assume it is your approach with the people around you that is causing them to be annoying.  Instead of demonizing every boss you’ve had, assume that there’s some approach of yours that is making your boss’s life more difficult.  If you accept the idea that the only thing you can control is yourself, and you’d like to change something about your situation, then you have to agree that the only way to change your situation is to change something within yourself.  Everything else is just wasting time. 

You can whine and complain about your current position.  You can blame your unhappiness on the other people around you.  And you can remain in a cycle of it always being someone else’s fault – plenty of your friends and family will back you up if that’s your delusion of choice.  Or you can put yourself in charge of your own happiness and choose it now.  Recognize that what you choose to do and how you choose to react is what ultimately determines your satisfaction in life.

Growth After Disaster by Shawn Achor

Please take the time to read this incredibly insightful and timely piece on growth after disaster.  Especially given what we have witnessed take place in Japan this past week, I think it is important to take a look at the positive changes that can come from people who have struggled through a tragedy. 

What I love about what the author says here is that to try and find the positive changes that come from a tragedy is not an act that ignores or belittles the tragedy itself – just that it recognizes that positive change is possible.  The author also takes the time to point out that sometimes people are worse off because of tragedy (think PTSD, for example), while others are able to create success stories as a direct result of their trauma.  I would love to hear, for example, a follow-up on the life of the man who was rescued after floating for 2 days after the earthquake and tsunami.  It has also been reported that now that we are months removed from the rescue of the Chilean miners that were trapped underground, that 32 of the 33 miners are suffering psychological problems.  I have no way to verify the accuracy of that claim, but believe it could be very important to see what has happened to those miners, and especially to hear what has happened in the life of the 1 who supposedly is not reporting any psychological issues.   

Author Shawn Achor goes on to say that research has been done to describe the differences between those who grow after disaster and those who suffer further.  He then  provides a framework that you can try and follow after facing trauma in your own life.  See his full article here.